This weeks joke(s) What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick. What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra. How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it. How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb? She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment." What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese. What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko. Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep. What would happen if the world spun thirty times faster? We would get a pay cheque everyday, and women would bleed to death! The Tattoo There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be OK. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy replied, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your 'thingy'." John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done! As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y. Suddenly, a big black gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed. So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too." The guys looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?" John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo - so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?" The black guys laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says "Welcome to Jamaica, Have a nice day." Voodoo Dick There was a businessman who was going on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll. But that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "well, I don't really know anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped. "Except What?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.' "So what's this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with stange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. the whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said, "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and the said: "Yeah, right.....................voodoo dick, my ass!" That's all for this week. See u around soon :) BACK
This weeks joke(s)
There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be OK.
John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy replied, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your 'thingy'."
John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done!
As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y.
Suddenly, a big black gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed.
So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too."
The guys looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?" John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo - so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?"
The black guys laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says "Welcome to Jamaica, Have a nice day."
Voodoo Dick
There was a businessman who was going on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll. But that was too close to another man for him.
He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "well, I don't really know anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped.
"Except What?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'
"So what's this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with stange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said, "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo dick, the door."
The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. the whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said, "Voodoo dick, my pussy!"
The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting.
She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo.
On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and the said:
"Yeah, right.....................voodoo dick, my ass!"
That's all for this week. See u around soon :)
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